


Asystole

by Imogen_LeFay



Series: Paging Dr. Smythe [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Coping, Death, Friendship, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, No named character death, Pre-Relationship, writing as therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:26:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21879592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imogen_LeFay/pseuds/Imogen_LeFay
Summary: "Someone died."Blaine hadn't expected to hear from Sebastian after years, out of the blue, in the middle of the night, and especially not with these words. But when pain, and despair, and helplessness are too much, a few years really aren't an obstacle to reconnect, and just be there.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Sebastian Smythe
Series: Paging Dr. Smythe [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1790026
Comments: 3
Kudos: 82





	Asystole

**Author's Note:**

> Basically written down in one session, spell-checked and posted, mostly for my own benefit. Let's file this under "I have issues (and some poor characters have to work through them in my stead)".  
> No named characters die, but death is mentioned. Also lots of swearing.

* * *

  
The ringtone of his phone blasted through the darkness.

Blaine was sitting upright in his bed before he even realized what was going on. Even then, it took him a few moments until he understood just what the noise was. Confused, he grabbed for the phone. Who on earth would call him at…

2 am?

The display only showed a number, not a name. Still, the digits seemed familiar. He _knew_ this number, didn’t he? For a second he thought it might have been Kurt, but he’d blocked his number. No, someone else. Someone he should remember…

Still, half asleep, he answered, slurring something possible passing for “who is this?”

There was silence on the other end, except for ragged breathing. Blaine frowned, not sure if someone would start talking or if this was some sort of creep call.

“Hello?” he asked.

Another moment of silence, and then…

“Blaine?”

He knew. One word was enough to remind him, a voice he hadn’t heard in years, not since… Wow, not since his train wreck of a proposal. He had thought about it, of course, just dial a number he probably would be able to recall if he _really_ tried, just to talk, pass the time, catch up. It wouldn’t have to be a revenge move. After all, he had enjoyed his friendship with Sebastian, even despite Kurt’s warnings and objections, and not all of it had just been him feeling flattered. But in the end, he’d always decided against it, maybe because he couldn’t be certain his call would be welcome at all.

“Hello Sebastian,” he said, his voice now clearer than before.

There was another ragged breath, Blaine thought it sounded like relief. “Hey… wasn’t sure you’d pick up.”

“I was sleeping,” Blaine said.

“Oh…”

“Don’t worry, it’s fine. It’s just… really late where I am,” he said. “Not sure about where you are…?”

“I have no idea what time it is,” Sebastian said. His voice sounded different, raw. If Blaine had any reservations about him calling at this time of the night, they would have dissolved now. So maybe they hadn’t talked in years, but that much was obvious, something must have happened. “I’m in New York though. Just got home, and the place is empty, and just… I can’t…” He stopped, inhaling harshly. It sounded just a second removed from a sob.

“Sebastian… what happened?” Blaine asked. There were other questions of curse, like why he’d never mentioned he lived in New York, too, but this one was more important now.

“Nothing,” Sebastian said, “just… someone died.”

Blaine froze. “What? Who?”

Sebastian chuckled. It sounded bitter. “Just some guy. Wasn’t even that old. Like… mid-forties. Forty-three. Would have turned forty-four next month. Had a tattoo right over his heart, looked trashy as hell.”

Blaine frowned. He really didn’t know how to deal with it. “Were you… close?” he asked.

“Never met him before today,” Sebastian replied. “He just came into the ER. Got drunk, fell, was kind of nauseated and dizzy. Like alcoholics usually are, right?”

Slowly, things fell into place. “You work at an ER?”

“I’m an intern,” Sebastian said. “He was just unlucky enough I was still on shift.”

Blaine shook his head, trying to keep up with everything. “What happened?”

“I… Fuck, I shouldn’t be calling you. I just…”

“It’s fine,” Blaine said softly, “just… tell me.”

“No… you should sleep. You have a life, you don’t need my drama.”

“Will you shut up and just tell me?” Blaine asked. On second thought that didn’t quite make sense, but somehow it seemed to resonate with Sebastian.

“So, I was called to see this guy. He was drunk, an alcoholic, was out with his drinking buddies. Complete asshole. Made jokes about the nurses. Complaining that his friends brought him to the ER instead of buying the next round. And…” He sighed in frustration. “It was _ten minutes_ before the night shift came in, and he was _fine_ , no disorders, not falling over, nothing. Conscious, oriented, _everything_. Just a bit of a headache, nausea, dizziness. No blood thinner. Nothing. So, I figured, let him wait there for a moment, scare him straight, just get through the next ten minutes. So, I step outside for… just a moment. I can’t have been gone more than two minutes, when suddenly the nurse calls me back in because he’s not answering anymore.”

He stopped, and now there was an actually small sob.

“He must have been bleeding after all, I don’t know. Maybe he’d drunk his liver into pieces so far that his blood was too thin, and he bled. But he was just lying there, and he wasn’t responsive. And then he wasn’t breathing, and…”

“Sebastian…”

“We tried,” he continued. “We were pressing for almost a fucking hour. And for a second I thought we could get him back, but then I realized we wouldn’t, and we still kept going, and then they just… called it. Time of death… Gone like that. Wasn’t meant to be. Not even forty-fucking-four, and dead, because of something so fucking _stupid_ …”

Blaine closed his eyes, as he imagined the scene. A middle-aged man, a team of doctors and nurses around him, and Sebastian in the middle…

“I’m so sorry,” he said softly. “I… can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like… Was he… was that the first time one of your patients died?”

“Of course not,” Sebastian said, sounding dismissive. “But that was different. You could see those coming. This guy… there was nothing wrong with him! He just… stopped. Just like that. And you know what’s the dumbest thing?” He stopped, as if he actually expected an answer.

“Tell me,” Blaine said.

“I thought he was a fucking joke. Just a waste of time, standing between me and the end of my shift. And then he just… died. And I didn’t see it coming.”

Blaine wondered what he would do, how he would handle any of it. He couldn’t even imagine, just that it had to be horrible. “It wasn’t your fault,” he said.

“Drunk people have just as much right to intracranial hemorrhage as everyone else,” Sebastian replied in a mutter. “At least that’s what they said in lectures. But you know, 9 out of 10 don’t, and then you meet the 10th and still have to think of it. And people act like you’re supposed to know what you’re doing, and I usually act like I know what I’m doing, like, I walk around in a white coat with a stethoscope and ‘I’m a doctor’ and then suddenly it’s like… I don’t know fucking anything. Who the hell ever thought it was a good idea to leave people in my care? I’m a fucking mess! I don’t know what to do when someone’s dying in front of me! Sure, I studied it, I learned what to do, I can spit out the algorithms if you wake me up at four am – and then, there’s an actual person in front of you, and suddenly, you’re completely fucking _helpless_ …”

Blaine wished he could do or say anything to make this better, to at least show Sebastian he wasn’t on his own. And then, he realized.

“Where exactly are you?”

“What?”

“Your address, dummy. I’m coming over.”

There was another pause. “You don’t… don’t be ridiculous.”

“I’m completely serious,” Blaine said. “Text me your address, I’m getting an uber right now.”

Sebastian seemed to hesitate for a moment. “I doubt your husband would be too happy about that.”

Blaine looked to his side, and the emptiness on the other side of the bed. “Not an issue,” he said. “Give me the address, I’ll order an uber, and then I’ll call you back.”

“What for?”

“So, you can talk,” Blaine said. After all, Sebastian really seemed to need someone listening.

“Fine, but bring some fucking tequila,” Sebastian said eventually. He ended the call, and for a moment Blaine worried that this would be it, no message, no call back, but then there was a text with his address, just as promised. And just as Blaine had promised, he ordered an Uber, before calling back – of course, he first had to get a bottle from his cupboard. Not tequila, though. They were too old for that. Then again, that bottle of Courvoisier, that he really only had there for nostalgic purposes… yes, that was a better choice.

When Sebastian answered his call, he at least sounded a bit calmer than before. Actually, he sounded almost embarrassed.

“You don’t actually have to play therapist just because I had a sucky shift,” he said.

Blaine could picture it, how he would roll his eyes, maybe put a hand to the nape of his hair, like he used to do when he realized he’d revealed too much of his actual feelings – fondness for the Warblers, admiration for his father, the deep affection for his sister…

“I’m sorry your day sucked, but honestly? I’m kind of glad you called me,” Blaine said, pulling on a coat to head downstairs. The night air was just as cold as he expected, but thankfully, he didn’t have to wait long.

“I didn’t know who else to call,” Sebastian said, his voice a bit lower than usual. “I just… I got home, and it was empty, and I was just so… riled up. I couldn’t sleep. And I thought… I don’t know. A friend of mine in med school, she always said she could cope best when she could talk to someone about what was going on. I never really got what she was on about, but… well, I figured it was worth a try. And I… at first, I really didn’t take him seriously. And then I had to think of… other things I didn’t take seriously. That whole business with your eye. And then, all I could think of was talking to you.”

“I’m glad you did,” Blaine said again, pausing just for a moment to get into the car. “I should have called you a million times. I just… I don’t know. It’s silly.”

Sebastian chuckled, and now it sounded a lot better than before. “Yeah, I mean, what did you think? That I’d tell you to screw off because I was so much happier without your interference?”

Blaine rolled his eyes. “You didn’t interfere that much,” he said. “Mostly with the competitions. Besides, didn’t you turn over a new leaf?”

“I tried,” Sebastian said.

Blaine could imagine what he looked like right now, his smile too earnest for his own comfort. The feeling of missing Sebastian flared up, stronger than he had felt since his junior year, when he’d realized that the rivalry of their show choirs was about to cost him the closest friendship he’d made all year. But this was not the right moment for nostalgia and regretting his life’s choices.

“So… med school? How did that happen?” he asked, changing the subject. “I was so sure you’d go into law, or business…”

Sebastian laughed, almost completely free. “I had every plan to do so. But then I had a very nice dinner with my dearest father, and he accused me of being an underachiever.”

“But you were a straight A student,” Blaine protested.

“Yeah, but that was easy, just like for you. I probably could have swept through a business major like a cake walk, and even law school would have been right up my alley, except for the BAR, maybe… But then he challenged my pride, and somehow, I ended up doing premed. Turns out, I kind of had a knack for it. Then again, maybe law school would have been a bit safer. People usually don’t die at their lawyer’s…”

“But you’re also saving lives,” Blaine said. “That must be uplifting.”

Sebastian snorted. “Saving lives… yeah, that sounds nice, and dramatic, and… that’s not what happens. You do a million things, but in the end, it feels more like you’re managing their stay at the hospital. Really saving people… that’s not even that common. And when it happens, you’re just one part of the team, so… I’m just saying, this feeling of _I saved a life_ … it’s rare. Not really helpful.”

“What is helpful then?” Blaine asked.

He could just imagine Sebastian shrugging, looking away to avoid his eyes. “Sometimes they’re grateful. That… it’s kind of weird when that happens. But it’s… nice.” He sighed. “It’s stupid.”

“It’s not,” Blaine said. “I just… that’s just aa lot of things I never really thought about.”

“Neither did I, but now it’s kind of my life, so…” Another shrug, he assumed.

“I bet you’re doing an amazing job,” Blaine said.

“Someone literally just died in front of me, but fine,” Sebastian replied, his voice darker again.

“Will you tell me then?” Blaine asked.

“I already told you everything.”

“Not everything. Not how you feel about all this.”

Sebastian paused. “Do I have to?”

“I think you’d feel better,” Blaine said.

“Not like this,” Sebastian said. “Just… tell me about you?”

Such a simple request, and more cautious than anything Sebastian had ever asked for, part from that apology. So he started talking, about NYADA and NYU, his college experience, an impromptu wedding that led to a marriage falling apart after a few years, an on-off-hellscape between possible divorce and trying again, before they finally broke off, the beginning of a Broadway career (and the silent satisfaction upon hearing that Sebastian had actually come and see him in some of these roles, had seen his current run as Raoul in Phantom of the Opera twice…

Then, finally, the car stopped, and Blaine got out. The neighborhood certainly looked nicer than the one he lived in. And then, he was in front of Sebastian’s house and was buzzed in, making his way up the stairs all five floors, until finally, there he was, waiting for him at the door.

Sebastian’s hair and clothes seemed a bit disheveled, and he was a bit paler than usual. There was no moment of hesitation as Blaine stepped forward, pulling his friend into an embrace.

“You didn’t have to come,” Sebastian muttered into his hair.

“I absolutely did,” Blaine said, taking his hands. “I’m here for you. And sorry, you’re not getting rid of me easily.”

Sebastian chuckled. “So… like a vampire, hm? I invited you in, so now you stay?”

Blaine smiled. “Pretty much.”

Sebastian smiled, and the relief was basically shining from him. “I’d like that.”

Blaine followed him back inside, relieved to see he wasn’t quite as wrecked as he initially sounded. Even as he stepped over the threshold, he was aware that something was changing. Sebastian returning to his life would have to bring some change with it. It sounded as if Sebastian could really use a friend. And if he was completely honest, so could Blaine himself. There were a million possibilities of where that could lead them. Right now, none of them really mattered.

All that mattered was to be there for a friend who after years had reached out to him.

As they walked inside, Blaine could feel Sebastian’s thumb stroking over his wrist, resting at his pulse point.

Yes. For now? This was more than enough.


End file.
